Expect it when you
know “it” is coming
So often we’re
afraid of something we know is inevitable.
And this thing is not a good thing.
Now, I know that may sound negative and not it line with what I usually
write about. You know, develop vision
and create reality. Seek support through positive self-talk and holding strong
thoughts of intention. But let’s face
it; sometimes in life there is a change or transition, or just an everyday
happening where we can 99% predict what will happen.
I thought
about this very subject this weekend as me, my wife, our middle son and young
daughter dropped our oldest son off at college.
In my experience, this life change unit (LCU) is a big deal for probably
about 80% of the kids that head off to grow, study, mature, party, etc. with
the intention of leaving after four years to pursue their destiny. Not a bad way to spend four years—and approximately
$200,000.
Anyhow, my
son and I had a few minutes together at a table outside the student center. I
asked him how he felt and he said okay, but that he was sure he’d have his
moments. I got that and offered this to
him. It’s like when you go through a
haunted house the first time. Remember when the guy with the chainsaw and
hockey mask jumped out at you and you freaked out. Sure, we all do. Then we calmed down and
said, “Let’s go through again.” This
time (if the hockey-mask guy is any good) he jumped out at you again, but he
did it sooner because he knew you’d be expecting it in the same place. You were scared, okay maybe just alarmed, and
then you went on. If you’re like most of
us, you went through a third time, you weren’t really concerned with when and
where he jumped out—because you could deal with it, and continue through and
out of the house.
So I said to
my son, “Think about this. You know
you’re going to feel crappy in the next week or two. And it may happen for even
a month or two. But how about if when
the feeling comes, you recognize it because you expected it. You say something like, “Well, here it is: crappy time. Let me sit with it a few minutes and then
take action to move me to feeling better.”
I told him that may be going for a run, calling his mom or me, calling
one of his siblings, his cousin or a friend.
Maybe it would just be walking to the student center to get something to
eat or drink. Perhaps it would be
watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother on his Mac. He smiled.
He got it.
That talk
with my son was on Saturday; this morning I observed a small girl walking into her
new grammar school crying, and holding the hand of her big sister. I’ll bet she’ll cry tomorrow and maybe the
next day. Not sure I’d bet $20 that she’d
be crying on the fourth day and beyond.
Now I don’t expect this young girl to know what I’m writing about here,
she’ll figure this out like the rest of us.
Although some of us need to keep evolving with this topic.
So, where in
your life do you know something is inevitably going to occur? And what’s the action(s) you could take to
move to a positive place. Here are a few
“generic” possibilities:
·
Your
boss/spouse/teenage/mother or mother-in-law let’s fly with a “zinger” not far
into a conversation you are having.
o
Action: You let go with a “counter-zinger” and the
battle commences, or you acknowledge the comment in silence and respond from a
place of understanding and love.
·
You
come back to your dorm room after your third class of the day during your
second week of college, lay on your bed and feel like crap.
o
Action: Allow the feeling to spin downward and accept
the negative self-talk that follows—convincing yourself that you must drop out
immediately and return for a fifth year of high school. Or you let the feeling of crap settle for a
moment or two, then you call a key person in your support network and tell them
how you feel, and that you’re really thankful for their presence in your life.
·
You
begin to engage in a new behavior to produce a desired result and you revert
back to an old behavior. (My middle son
told me today he walked to last year’s locker.)
o
Action: Wallow in how hard change is and how it works
for everyone but you. You convince
yourself you gave it a good try, but it’s just not easy for you. Or you just
simply do the new behavior again, and again, and again and again and you get
the message. Confidence and new habits
simply come from repetition and practice.
An American Baptist preacher, Vance
Havner, said, “The vision must be
followed by the venture. It is not
enough to stare up the steps—we must step up the stairs.”
Great thoughts from Preacher
Havner. Set your vision, move into
action and expect it when you know “it” is coming!
Be well
Danny
