We control our feelings--not others.

I had two nice conversations recently.  One was with a friend of mine, Bob, at the party for our son’s graduation.  Bob said I need to post more content to my website and I wholeheartedly agreed; Bob is a very wise man.

The second conversation was with two of my older siblings, Trish and Paul. We chatted about a bunch of topics over a quick dinner, but one in particular arose when my sister was telling us a story about someone she works with and she asked Paul and I,  “How come she can make me feel like that?”  And the “that” at the end of her question was not a positive feeling.  I offered to her that the woman does not make her feel a certain way; it’s Trish’s reaction to what the woman said that is the feeling.  Hard stuff to wrap our heads around for sure.  And notice I said our  because I struggle with this as well.  There are certain people that I still allow to alter my state of being.  I can be feeling very good, and positive and fulfilled, and wham!  One conversation with someone can alter my state immediately.  This is a huge area of focus for me.

So, how can we continue to evolve (one of the principles of jckrbbt) into the person that is neutral to negative comments, references, and feedback?

Here are few suggestions I’ve come to practice over the years: 

1.     Lead with Love, look at the person and make a strong effort to love them

2.     Ask them what their intention is in this conversation.  Is it to offend you and/or make you feel bad/angry/hurt?  Most people may change their approach and tone in the conversation when you call them on their intention

3.     Walk away, or terminate the interaction

4.     And when someone rejects you (it could be in a relationship, on a sales call, in a submission of your manuscript, etc.) shift your perspective to, “They’ve not rejected me, they just answered my question/inquiry and it’s different from the answer I was seeking.”  I heard this from a wise facilitator at a personal growth seminar I attended last year. It works very well.

I am a student of quotes, for I love insight and wisdom from simple phrases or a few sentences.  Here are a few for us to ponder as we reflect on the impact others may have on us:

See everything; overlook a great deal; correct a little.

                    ~Pope John XXIII

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.

~Author unknown, variation of an excerpt from "The Serenity Prayer" by

Reinhold Niebuhr

He who knows much about others may be learned, but he who understands himself is more intelligent. He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.

                    ~Chinese proverb

Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.

                    ~Author unknown

…and perhaps the most famous of these types of quotes:

No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

~Eleanor Roosevelt

So, have a great day and the next time someone begins to “make” you feel bad, just stop and be conscious that you have a choice—and choose to be in a good energy.

Be well.

Danny