Self-talk: A strong source of internal support

Hey you.  Pssst.  It’s me.  You know we’re not going to get that sales account.  And then we’ll not hit our goal.  Then it’s probably going to get very dicey at work.  And the whole exercise and diet thing isn’t working.  And how are we ever going to pay that college tuition next year.  And the book, yes, the book, probably never going to get published.

So how many of you have scripts like this playing in your heads?  You know that little voice, the one that never stops, and if you’re asking yourself, “What’s he mean about a little voice?”,—that’s the voice I’m talking about!  Research suggests that more often that voice is not positive; it’s simply about as supportive as a popsicle stick holding up a elephant. 

A principle of jckrbbt is seek support.  By this I mean that I’ve found people to be happier and more fulfilling when they have a network they can access immediately when they need to get back into the game of life after a traumatic setback, encouragement to overcome a challenge, or someone to solicit feedback from, or perhaps someone to simply help them celebrate an accomplishment—whether large or small.  We can also read books, listen to tapes, or watch videos to gain this support.  These are the external sources of support.

The voice in our heads, well, that’s the internal support.  And I believe it has the ability to generate greater power than the external support mentioned above.  This voice is often rooted in past experience and is very strong and habitual.  It may have gained its “personality” from a coach that beat you down, or a family member that constantly made fun of your optimistic outlook on life, or your hair, or whatever.  Perhaps it was a boss that looked for everything you did “wrong” versus all the things you did very well.  Whatever the ancestry of your inner voice, if you’re like most of us, it usually suggests that you will not succeed at something. 

The Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius once said, “It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinions than our own.”   The bottom line is this, we cannot control what others say about us, or to us.  Period.

So how might we—myself included—move toward having our inner voice encourage us more consistently and be our #1 fan and advocate?  There are three ways that I’ve found to work:

1.    BE AWARE – Awareness precedes change and the better we consciously focus on our inner voice, the more likely we can begin to rewrite our scripts. 

Pretend like you’re wearing a wire-tap in your psyche and you’re outside in a dark van like a detective monitoring what the voice is saying.  This awareness is vital to create the next behavior to practice.

2.    THINK, THEN CHOOSE – As stated above, awareness precedes change.
     
So when you get to the point of "knowing" that what you're saying to ourself is not likely in our best interest, now comes the courage part.  Consider how your inner dialogue is moving you away from your vision.  Notice what is does to your physical self - shoulders slumped, brow tightened, hopeless sighs.  This is the perfect opportunity to think of someone in your support network that loves you deeply and wants you to succeed.  Think of the words they'd say to you if they were there--then say them to yourself.   We cannot control what others say to us, but we can control what we say to ourself.  Begin choosing to have a different converstation with yourself.

3.    MONITOR RESULTS – When you catch yourself in a negative pattern of self-talk and choose to edit that into a positive and confident message, be sure to watch what happens next.  Notice when you get out of bed at 5:00 am to exercise.  Notice when you are calm and listen to your clients versus trying to “sell” them.  Notice when you smile and hug one of your kids when what they said or did has previously led you to yell at them.  The more what you notice what you want, the more your self-talk will be positive.  And do that every day and you’ll have a stronger mental habit to be your #1 supporter.

Check out this article from the Mayo Clinic on the health benefits of positive thoughts.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/positive-thinking/SR00009

Be well.
Danny

The Power of Being Still

A principle of jckrbbt is to be still.  This art has been practiced and referenced over and over for centuries by many.  Being still, I mean really still, also has the effect of helping us physically.   Take a look at this interesting article on the health effects of meditation.  http://www.buddhanet.net/sangha-metta/medhealth.html

Einstein said:  "The monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind."

Thoreau had this thought:  "I went to the woods because I wished only to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Jesus continually used the phrase be still--one of my favorites is when he commanded the sea to be still and peaceful.  For me, he was creating silence in a world that does not support silence.  How powerful a principle to practice in our world today. Everywhere, people are pulling small electonic squares from their hip holsters like gunslingers all throughout the day.  They're logging onto countless websites to shop and chat and surf.

I find I'm much happier, fulfilled and focused when I create space in my day to be still.  A good friend of mine who lives in Baltimore recently wrote on the topic of silence.  I attach it below for your reading.  

Silence

By

Marcus Charleston

Call it late afternoon or early evening. It’s my favorite time of day. The burnt orange sun casts a fiery light on the ornate brickwork of row homes in Bolton Hill and the abandoned old buildings on Howard Street.

One doesn’t associate silence with the city. There’s always an undercurrent of noise from the blaring siren of a police car or a helicopter circling overhead. Because we’re social animals, more people are probably attracted to the Inner Harbor teeming with tourists or raucous bar crawls through Fells Point and Federal Hill on a weekend. While there can be comfort in a crowd, a winter evening’s walk along the Inner Harbor or sitting alone at the Bond Street Wharf after the crowds are gone, allows for more quiet reflection. It also allows you to view, and appreciate, these surroundings in a new way.

To quote Henry David Thoreau, “I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.” Some of my favorite moments in Baltimore are walks through the silent city. A friend of mine advises me to always find time in the day to be still. Sometimes it can best be found when the last of the rush hour traffic has deserted downtown or evening walks through the historic neighborhoods of Mt. Vernon or Bolton Hill.

I’ve always been fascinated seeing places, normally bustling with activity, standing quiet. Such as a theater, after a performance is over, when the stage contains a solitary ghost light casting shadows on the wall.  I’ve always found a beauty in the silence. This is especially true of downtown office buildings and city streets when the workday is over. The same can be said for areas on the west side, once the hub of downtown commerce; which has now taken on the haunting appearance of a ghost town.

Painter Edward Hopper captured this sense of isolation and solitude on canvas in his cityscapes. It can also be seen in the black and white photographs of A. Aubrey Bodine.  It’s a vision of Baltimore I think few people truly stop to notice or appreciate.

Painter Edward Hopper captured this sense of isolation and solitude on canvas in his cityscapes (www.edwardhopper.info ). It can also be seen in the black and white photographs of A. Aubrey Bodine ( www.baltimoresun.com/.../bal-bodine-pg,0,4112830.photogallery ).

It’s a vision of Baltimore I think few people truly stop to notice or appreciate.

Be still. Be well.

Danny